Dr. Rippe's Blog

If you've been married a long time, then you've heard the advice that making quality time for your spouse is important to having a quality relationship.  You've even heard that advice from me. At least one recent study suggests that how couples spend that quality time may be as important to sparking the romantic flame. The main idea from this may have touched a chord with lots of people because I've noticed that a New York Times article on it was on the "most emailed" list for over a week.

Here's the idea that comes from the research of  Professor Arthur Aron of State University of New York at Stony Brook. His research suggests that rather than have just a pleasant night out doing old favorite activities that exploring something new that both you and your spouse think you might enjoy does more to stoke the fires of romance. Doing new things apparently triggers the brain's reward systems, making us feel more upbeat. 

I'd like to put in a plug for making physical activity a part of some of those new experiences. Something new and something active gives you two ways to foster well-being. Going dancing or taking a dance class together might be enjoyable. Taking a day hike in a new locale you've wanted to explore or joining the activities of a walking or hiking club might also fill the bill.  Spending an afternoon wandering from art gallery to art gallery. Those are just a few ideas. What new active "exploration" could you and your partner share?

Most individuals and families I know are watching their budgets carefully these days. One of the "luxuries" that typcally gets cut first is "entertainment."  Entertainment for many of us includes going out to dine with friends (and maybe on to a movie or concert) or inviting friends for a dinner we prepare. And costs for those types of occasions can mount up.  But here are some creative ways that you or your family can continue to enjoy time with friends without straining anyone's wallet.

• Host a potluck dinner or cookout. As host, you might provide the main dish and ask friends to bring sides and dessert. You could invite them to bring favorite dishes or set a theme such as a "western" cookout or feature a specific type of cuisine such as Italian, French or Thai.
• Invite friends for coffee and dessert. You get all the conversation of a good dinner party but do not have the larger expense.
• Start a book club or "board game" night. Book clubs can be a rewarding way to spend time regularly with a group of friends. Select books that are in paperback or available from the library. If you enjoy board games or cards, hosting a regular game night can also be relaxing and convivial without great cost.
• Organize a backyard sports "tournament." The event calendar could rotate among several households: Volleyball in one backyard, badminton and horsehoes in another, basketball shootout in a third, and a softball game in the nearest park or largest yard. Everyone brings a simple snack.
• Musical? Play piano or guitar? Invite friends over for a sing-along. Print out lyrics for favorite songs--you can find most any lyric somewhere online.

These few ideas may trigger ideas for others. With a little creativity you can enjoy great time with friends and family without much cost. Your spirits and your wallet will thank you.

Does a night out with just the two of you for Valentine's Day seem too expensive this year? Particularly when you add up the tab for baby sitters, flowers, dinner at a nice restaurant, and so on.  Here's a strategy that might be even more romantic.

First, you'll need another couple to partner with because the idea starts with swapping parents' nights out.  On one night you host a sleepover for your kids and theirs and they return the favor on another night.  That means that only one couple can enjoy a night out on the actual Valentine's Day, but if you can have a whole evening to yourselves from dinner clear through to a leisurely breakfast, do you care about the actual day or weekend ?

On your night out, the two of you can actually enjoy a great evening in. First enjoy preparing and cooking a meal together that you both like. For new ideas, check out all the tasty (and balanced) recipes on the Eat Well section of this website. Then enjoy your meal with candlelight and just the music you like. Want flowers but don't wish to spend big money on cut flowers? Think about getting a phalaenopsis orchid just beginning to bloom: they bloom for weeks, like temperate home temps and indirect light, and cost about $15-$25 at many locations including the supermarket flower department.

After dinner, enjoy a movie on the DVD, go out to a free or inexpensive concert, cuddle up before a fire, or roll up the rug and dance. The fun is up to you.  For me the most important part of the celebration is just being with person I love. Happy Valentine's to you, too.