Marla the Blogger

I think in general I've been making good choices to help promote my overall well-being. However, there is one area I still need to make improvements in: taking care of myself when I'm sick. You'd think with all the emphasis I've been placing on taking time out for myself and trying to maintain balance in my life that taking good care of myself when I got sick would be a no-brainer. Well, as I found out this past week, that isn't the case.

I started feeling sick at work on Friday and instead of going home early to take care of myself, I stayed at work and kept up a hectic pace that I would have had trouble handling when well, much less while sick. Why did I do that? Because I was the only one in my department at work that day so I thought I couldn't leave and had to get everything done myself. Then on Saturday we had planned to have a small party for my sister-in-law and her husband who were in town. She said we should cancel it since I was sick, but I insisted we have it and I over-exerted myself and stayed up too late Saturday night. Why? Because I didn't want to disappoint everyone.

I paid the price for not taking it easy while I was sick; Sunday I pretty much laid on the couch all day and did nothing. Except I didn't learn my lesson completely, because I still insisted on dragging myself out to the grocery store. I'm not sure if I didn't want to fully admit I was sick, or if I had convinced myself that I just couldn't take a day off completely without everything falling apart, but regardless of the reason, I know now it was stupid. If I would have just crawled into bed and stayed there for a few days, I probably would have gotten better a lot faster. I'm still not 100% and now my son is sick, so I need my energy to take care of him. Next time I get sick, instead of trying to stubbornly power through it, I'm going to try to actually allow myself to take a sick day. I know this is one area where I need to take much better care of myself.

I have a co-worker who was confiding in me the other day about how things haven't been going great in her personal life and she realized that one of her problems is that she needs better friends. She has a few good ones, but there are also a few that take advantage of her, don't treat her with respect, and generally bring her down. In my opinion, life is too short to surround yourself with people like that. The great thing about friendship is that it's optional; especially as an adult, you don't have to be friends with some people. Sure, you still need to be kind and respectful to others no matter what, but you don't have to actually be friends with and spend your time and energy with people unless you want to.

In my experience, there are several kinds of good friends to have:

• Friends that are interested in you - you'd think this would be a given, but it isn't always. I had a friend once who used to call me, talk about himself and his life non-stop, and never ask how I was doing or what was new with me. The best friends want to know what's going on in your life, too.
• Friends that help you out - everyone needs a hand once in awhile. That's precisely what friends are for! Friends should feel free to ask you for help, but they should not take advantage of your kindness and constantly ask for help or make unreasonable requests. And they should be willing to return the favor whenever they can.
• Friends that stay friends through the years - I'm terrible about staying in touch with people; I just don't have enough time. I have some friends, though, who no matter how long it's been since I've called or emailed, are always happy to hear from me. They never give me a guilt trip about staying out of touch. And it's like I just talked to them yesterday; we pick up our friendship right where we left it last time.
  

As an adult I've tried to choose friends that are helpful, supportive and kind. The friendships that have lasted the longest and the ones I value the most are with people like that. It's meant that sometimes I've had to end friendships that weren't a positive influence on my life, but I don't regret any of those decisions. Surrounding myself with the best friends to have has made my life better, and helped me to be a better friend as well.

My co-workers and I tend to gripe about our jobs from time to time and joke that we can't wait until we can retire. When my dad "retired" a few years ago, I couldn't understand why he continued to work part-time since he really doesn't have to. I kept asking him, "wouldn't you rather just relax and enjoy your retirement?" and worried that he would wear himself out having not really retired. Turns out, though, that his continuing to work is actually probably good for him. A recent study found that people who work past retirement, especially in fields related to their careers, are more physically and mentally healthy.

The brief article I read didn't say if the study determined why working past retirement had positive benefits. I would guess, though, that part of it is the financial benefit retirees get from working and the social contact and mental stimulation they get from it. I know my dad tends to worry about money and even though he could still live comfortably on his retirement savings, he likes having the added security of the additional income in case he needs it. And I know that even though being retired sounds great to me, my dad is very social and especially since he lives alone, not working and getting out of the house as much would make his life very boring for him. I also think about my grandfather who, in the last few years of his life, was unable to work or even continue some of his hobbies. He definitely seemed less happy than he had been when he was building a house earlier in his "retirement".

I know retirement is a LONG way off for me, and who knows if I'll be able to "retire" completely. It's nice to know, though, if I have to or want to continue working into my old age, it will be beneficial for me both physically and mentally. And it gives me something to discuss with my mom, who just fully retired this year. She's been debating about finding some part time work for the extra income and now it looks like she might get other benefits from working again, too.