Dr. Rippe's Blog

Almost everyone has one or two important places in her or his life. Typically these are home and work. However, finding another place, a "third place," where you can get involved and share hopes, activities, and aspirations with other like-minded people can greatly enrich your life. Your third place might be a health club, religious organization, civic club, hobby group, book club, sports team or club, support group, community volunteer opportunity, or educational venture. The options are limited only by your imagination and interests.

In a third place you can connect to other people and share interests and passions that may have no outlet at home or at work. Research shows the "connectedness" fostered by such third places enhances quality of life and well-being.

In our increasingly wired world, many Americans don't have enough of these vital connections. In 1985, the average American had three people in whom they could confide important matters. By 2004, the average number of close confidants had dropped to two, and one in four people had no close confidant. Social isolation is a risk factor for poorer mental and physical health.

Think about your passions and interests, about the purposes that give your life meaning. Do you need more opportunity to act on those values?  If so, think about finding a third place.

Every mother I've ever known is a "working" mom. Add "gainful employment" to the mix and we're talking about a more-than-full schedule and life. The U.S. Department of Labor Time Use Survey for 2006 found that, on average, working women spend about twice as much time as working men on household chores and caring for children or other household members. Men spend more time on work and leisure activities than women.

You may be an expert time and task juggler. But the day-in, day-out effort required can wear you down unless you take time for yourself. Having just fifteen or thirty minutes a day that's yours alone can make a big difference to your sense of well-being and fulfillment. But for success, you can't leave it to chance; you need to structure the time.

I don't know a more capable and expert manager of time and tasks than my wife. My schedule, which I think is crammed, seems relaxed beside hers. She is always there for our four daughters and for me as well as for everything else. One thing that fuels her energy is that she sets aside a brief time each day for herself to play the piano. Our daughters have learned to respect and support "Mom's time."

What would you most like to do for yourself? What will it take to do it? When can you schedule it? What tasks can the kids or other family members begin to do to help "share the load"? When you decide the answer, schedule your "personal time" in your daily planner.

As a cardiologist I know that daily activity helps prevent heart disease and other chronic disorders. But the reason that I enjoy my daily sessions (I alternate swimming, walking, and jogging) is that they enhance my sense of well-being. Activity especially helps to relieve stress. A number of studies have confirmed this benefit.

Here's a technique that can enhance this effect. In my research laboratory, we conducted a study exploring the use of mind-body connections during a walking program. All participants walked thirty minutes daily. One group was told simply to walk. A second group was asked as they walked to use a simple meditation technique based on Dr. Herb Benson's classic Relaxation Response. They were to select a simple phrase to repeat over and over as they walked. Some used the phrases "one, two" or "left,right" with each step. Others repeated a short sentence that was meaningful to them, such as a three- to six-word inspirational phrase or prayer.

At the end of twelve weeks, both groups had improved physical fitness. The group that added a meditative technique experienced greater stress reduction and a greater sense of well-being than those who simply walked.

Because swimming laps (or using an elliptical trainer when I can't walk) can be boringly repetitious, I often use this technique myself with great results. You might give it a try.