Marla the Blogger

I'll admit it: I like watching those house buying shows on cable. I'm not sure why, but I really enjoy the shows where other families are shopping for a house. As I was watching one last night, I realized that almost no one finds the "perfect" place that they're looking for. Almost everyone, even those with million dollar budgets, at some point has to compromise (even if it's settling for a 3 car garage instead of a 5 car one). I know with almost every home my husband and I have purchased or apartment we've rented, we've had to settle for what was the best option at the time. We've never found our "perfect" place. Still, we've been happy in most of the homes we've had and I think it's helped us learn how to live with compromise in other areas of our lives.

I think most of us have thoughts about the "ideal" for our lives: where we would live, what we would do for work, how big (or small) our families would be, etc. Unfortunately, sometimes things don't turn out the way we plan and our ideal isn't available to us. Maybe your dream job would require you to move somewhere you'd rather not live. Maybe you live where you've always wanted, but you've had to settle for a job that isn't exactly what you want. Maybe you always wanted a really big family but can't afford to have more children. Certain things in life are outside of our control, but our attitude towards them is definitely something we can control. If you focus only on what you didn't get that you wanted, you'll miss enjoying all the good things you did get.

Compromise can be tough when you have your heart set on something else, but if you focus on the positive aspects of your choice, it definitely helps. Unless you're extraordinarily lucky or extremely rich, at some point in your life you probably have to compromise in some area. Even though you can't always get exactly what you want, living happily with compromise is definitely possible. Just remind yourself of the good things you have and don't dwell too much on what you think you're missing.

Fall and winter are difficult for me where we live because the weather gets so incredibly gloomy. I always tell people the thing I like least about living here is that the sun hardly shines from October to May. This year, right on schedule, it's been cloudy and rainy since the first day of fall and isn't scheduled to let up until early next week. I know to get through the months ahead, I need to find ways to keep my mood up so the rainy, gray days don't get to me. A few things I'm going to try:

• Don't let the weather change plans - my son has a walking fieldtrip at preschool today. They're still going, rain or shine (as long as there isn't thunder and lightening). The teachers just told everyone to come prepared with rain coats and umbrellas. A little rain or bad weather doesn't mean you can't do things you've already planned, you just need to be prepared.
• Use a little "music therapy" - I've found that music can really improve my mood. I'm creating a few "gloomy day" playlists with songs that put me in a particularly good mood that I can use when it's gray and gross outside.
• Enjoy it - dark and rainy days make me want to crawl back into bed and read a book. Obviously, I can't do that every time the weather is bad, but occasionally I'll allow myself some time to do just that and wallow in melancholy for a half hour or so. Then I'll get up and get going again.

When we used to live somewhere predominantly sunny, the occasional dreary day was actually a nice change. It's a challenge for me when there are so many gray days, day after day, but I don't have to let them get me down. I can't control the weather, but I can find ways to be in a good mood, even when the weather is bad.

I've always known that focusing on my well-being and trying to stay positive makes me a happier person, but now there's another reason to try to stay up-beat. A recent study found that feeling hopeless can increase the risk of having a stroke for women. Even when they adjusted the findings for other stroke risk factors, there was a significant difference in the thickness of neck arteries for women who scored higher for feelings of hopelessness in comparison to women who didn't feel hopeless. (Thick neck arteries is a sign of higher risk for strokes and heart attacks).

I've long believed that mental attitude has an impact on physical health, but I didn't realize such a specific mindset could be a indicator of high risk for a particular disease. It's also interesting to consider what to do with these findings. It's much more tangible to say, "I'm going to lose weight so I don't get diabetes" or "I'm going to stop smoking so I don't get lung cancer" instead of "I'm going to stop feeling hopeless so I don't have a stroke." However, just like losing weight and quitting smoking, there are specific things you can do if you want to improve your mental health.

Following the Start Making Choices program is a good place to start. Working each week on your mental "fitness" can help you improve your overall mood and deal more effectively with stress; it certainly has for me. If you're having strong feelings of hopelessness that you can't manage on your own, though, consider getting some professional assistance. Remember, improving your mood may have even more benefits: it may even reduce your risk of developing a life-threatening disease.