Marla the Blogger

One of the flaws I recognize about myself is that I am very opinionated, and I tend to share my opinion with others, even when not asked. Close friends and family realize this and accept me as I am, of course, but sometimes I regret being so pushy about my point of view with acquaintances. For example, a woman I work with was telling me about some problems she was having in her personal life and how she was feeling really down. I probably should have just listened sympathetically, but instead, I gave her advice without her asking. I know she's been wanting to put her house on the market for some time now and put her past with her ex-husband behind her, but she has several things to do to get it ready to sell. So I more or less told her that she would feel better if she got out from under that big mortgage and got on with her life. I even sent her some links with information about disposing of and recycling some of the stuff in her house she wanted to get rid of.

She was very polite about my unsolicited advice (as most people are) but later I felt bad about being so bossy. She hadn't asked me for advice or my opinion. She was probably just looking for a sympathetic ear and instead I gave her a laundry list of things *I* thought she should do. I wanted to apologize to her, but we were both really busy at work and I didn't get a chance to talk with her again before the weekend.

She stopped by my office a few days later and told me how much better she was feeling. She had spent a good part of her weekend sorting through stuff in her house and donated/disposed of a lot of stuff she didn't need anymore. She told me how much she appreciated my advice and now that she had made some progress, she felt really good about getting the house ready to sell and felt good about herself.

I was glad to hear something positive came from me being so pushy. That's not to say that I don't think I still need to be careful giving out my opinion so forcefully when not asked for it, but I did feel a little better. I really do want to help people, which is why I'm so passionate about giving advice, even when not asked. I'm just being myself, flaws and all. With a little restraint, I think I can still be myself without totally alienating those around me.

A common phrase I've heard over and over referring to raising children is that you should "pick your battles". When it comes to dealing with my son, I've been pretty good about doing that. My husband and I try to focus on what is really important in helping him be a healthy, happy child and letting the small stuff go. I've realized recently that I need to apply that philosophy more to other areas of my life as well. Here are some other areas of my life where I'm trying to do better about picking my battles:

• Work - I've mentioned before that my work situation over the past year or so has been less than ideal. The reality is, though, that I'm going to be there for awhile, so I've come to terms with it. And I'm trying to put my time and energy where I can be most efficient and make the most positive impact on the business, and not worry about the rest so much.
• Home - I am finally ready to admit defeat in the war of keeping a clean, organized house. I've tried bringing in outside help, I've tried devoting an entire day to organizing problem areas, but in the end, it still looks like a bunch of college students live in my house. I'm not willing to sacrifice the time and money it would take to truly keep my house clean, so I'm focusing instead on keeping key areas clean (kitchen, bathroom, etc.) and letting the dust and clutter rule the rest of the house.
• Myself - Without a doubt, I am my own worst critic. I expect a lot out of myself, well more than I expect out of others, and can be hard on myself if I think I'm not doing my best. Instead, I'm going to focus on doing my best on the parts of my life that are the most important to me (family, friends and happiness) and allow myself to be mediocre in other areas.
  

It's not easy to accept the fact that your life will always be somewhat flawed and imperfect. I think most of us have a natural tendency to strive to be the best we can be, in every and all areas of life. But really, that's exhausting and not realistic. For me, it's better to surrender to the idea that my life will always be messy and flawed in some ways and still find happiness within it.

Today when I was playing with my son I realized something: children are generally happy most of the time. Sure, they're not happy when they're tired or hungry or don't get their way, but for the most part, they spend most of their day having fun. Part of that comes from just their age and the fact that they don't have a lot to manage or worry about in life. Obviously I can't completely capture that feeling as an adult with lots of responsibility for me and my family, but there are some things children do that can help:

• Live in the moment - when my son is playing with his train, he's not thinking about what happened at school today or wondering what we're having for dinner. He's thinking about his train. That's it. There's a real benefit to focusing on what you're doing at the moment and not distracting yourself with other thoughts. It's definitely more relaxing.
• Make everything fun - there are a lot of things we have to do in life that aren't necessarily enjoyable. But kids have a way of making anything (waiting in line, riding in the car, cleaning up toys) into a game. I like cranking up the music when I have to do chores around the house to make them more enjoyable.
• Stay true to yourself - young children don't have an internal editor. Ask them if they like something, and they will give you their honest (sometimes brutally honest) opinion. Although adults have to display more tact than that, we can still express our true wants and opinions. Life is too short to spend it doing little things you don't want to do just because you are too polite to be honest about it.