Marla the Blogger

This month I saw that Start Making Choices has an article called "How to Be Nice". It has some good suggestions in it and I was reminded of some things I try to do (but sometimes forget) and read some new ideas I hadn't considered before. I'm always looking for ways to be nice. Not because it's difficult or anything, but I think sometimes I get so busy and wrapped up in my own head that I don't always take the opportunity to show a little extra kindness to others.

In addition to the excellent list of ways to be nice in the article, here are a few others that I try to incorporate whenever I can:

• Say "please", "thank you", "you're welcome" and "pardon me" liberally. It might seem like an obvious way to be nice, but I notice that frequently people forget to be polite and I think it makes a positive difference when you remember.
• Loan books, music and movies out without strings attached. When a friend mentions a movie I have that they've been wanting to see or shows interest in a book I've read, I load it to them, even if they haven't asked. And I don't hound them to return it. If I get it back great; if they pass it onto someone else to enjoy, that's fine, too.
• Extend a last-minute invitation. It seems like it sometimes takes forever to make plans to get together with friends. But often we find ourselves with a free evening or decide spur of the moment to go to the zoo or something. Recently I've been calling friends last minute to see if they'd like to come over for dinner that night or go on an outing with us later in the day. Of course people can't always join us with that late notice, but frequently they can and are happy to be invited. If you have a free evening and are just hanging out at home, odds are one of your friends is doing the same and might enjoy your company.

A common phrase I've heard over and over referring to raising children is that you should "pick your battles". When it comes to dealing with my son, I've been pretty good about doing that. My husband and I try to focus on what is really important in helping him be a healthy, happy child and letting the small stuff go. I've realized recently that I need to apply that philosophy more to other areas of my life as well. Here are some other areas of my life where I'm trying to do better about picking my battles:

• Work - I've mentioned before that my work situation over the past year or so has been less than ideal. The reality is, though, that I'm going to be there for awhile, so I've come to terms with it. And I'm trying to put my time and energy where I can be most efficient and make the most positive impact on the business, and not worry about the rest so much.
• Home - I am finally ready to admit defeat in the war of keeping a clean, organized house. I've tried bringing in outside help, I've tried devoting an entire day to organizing problem areas, but in the end, it still looks like a bunch of college students live in my house. I'm not willing to sacrifice the time and money it would take to truly keep my house clean, so I'm focusing instead on keeping key areas clean (kitchen, bathroom, etc.) and letting the dust and clutter rule the rest of the house.
• Myself - Without a doubt, I am my own worst critic. I expect a lot out of myself, well more than I expect out of others, and can be hard on myself if I think I'm not doing my best. Instead, I'm going to focus on doing my best on the parts of my life that are the most important to me (family, friends and happiness) and allow myself to be mediocre in other areas.
  

It's not easy to accept the fact that your life will always be somewhat flawed and imperfect. I think most of us have a natural tendency to strive to be the best we can be, in every and all areas of life. But really, that's exhausting and not realistic. For me, it's better to surrender to the idea that my life will always be messy and flawed in some ways and still find happiness within it.

Okay, this may sound a little silly, but I'm cold. I feel like I've been cold constantly for the past 3 months. Our house is old and under-insulated and we're trying to keep the heat lower to save money. Not to mention the fact that we've gotten a bunch of snow lately that just won't melt which makes me feel cold just looking at it. I know, complaining about being cold seems really trivial, but it does impact my well-being. When I'm cold like this I have trouble concentrating and I don't want to do anything but curl up under a blanket on the couch. My muscles feel all tight from shivering and I have a headache.

So, am I telling you all this to give you a list of tips on how to try to stay warm? No. Most of the ways to stay warm are common sense (wear layers, use space heaters, drink hot tea, etc.). The reason why I mention my struggle to stay warm is because it got me thinking about how even little things can impact our happiness and well-being. Being cold is a small discomfort, but when it happens most of the day (my office at work is no better; I wear fingerless gloves when I'm typing), day after day, it starts to wear on you. 

For me, "staying warm" means more than just dealing with plummeting temperatures. It means making sure my basic needs are met and not letting little problems persist. I'm not saying that you should make a big deal out of something small, but if there is a small annoyance interfering with your well-being, why not address it? It may seem easier to just ignore it, but if it continues to bother you over time, it can become a bigger problem. Sometimes it's the little things in life that make us happy, but little things can also drive us crazy if we let them. What inconveniences are getting in the way of your happiness? How are you going to make sure you can "stay warm"? Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go put on a thicker sweater.