Marla the Blogger

Well, it's that time of year where it seems like a blur from Thanksgiving to New Year's with my birthday and Christmas somewhere in between. It's easy to get stressed out this time of year with travel and social obligations and spending time with extended family. Oh, and don't forget buying and wrapping gifts and preparing big meals and cleaning house and hosting parties. I'll be honest with you, though, although I am usually very busy this time of year as everyone else is, I find myself less stressed than I was in years past.

I think part of it is that I've relaxed my expectations. I don't expect the holidays to be perfect and I don't expect myself have a spotless house, home-made baked goods and just the right gifts for everyone. I think I've also done a better job in the last few years of balancing having a relaxing holiday with our families' expectations. There were several years that we traveled from Colorado to Kansas and Ohio for Christmas just so we wouldn't disappoint anyone. Now we keep our travel plans more simple and we're not afraid to insist occasionally that we stay home and family travels to visit us.

I think one of the most helpful things in reducing holiday stress, though, is trying to see the holidays through my son's eyes. His expectations of what it takes to have a happy holiday are simple and he takes such delight in even the smallest things that it's easy to catch his enthusiasm. And it's helped me to realize that the holidays aren't made better by going overboard, but are best enjoyed by just spending time together and appreciating the season for what it represents.

As a result of cutbacks at work, I have every other Friday off unpaid. And although it has been an adjustment to the reduction in salary that came with it, having the extra time off has definitely been a plus. I thought my Fridays off would be a great chance to spend some time with my son and get some things done around the house, and they have. But surprisingly, many of them filled up with visits from friends and family and other activities that sometimes still leave me wondering on Sunday night, "where did my weekend go?" Some weekends have been filled up with errands and cleaning, which leaves me grumpy. Some weekends have been filled up with fun activities, which leaves me stressed the rest of the week because I'm trying to fit in laundry and groceries and errands after work. With a little planning and organization, though, I think I've figured out a few ways to help maximize my weekends:

• Plan out weekend activities in advance - my husband and I try to figure out our plans for the weekend by Thursday night. That way we don't forget to take care of any important errands or chores and we don't find out after the fact that there was a concert or festival that our family would have enjoyed but missed.
• Schedule time for both fun and chores - our most enjoyable weekends are those where we feel we accomplished some things that needed to be done and we had ample time to have fun together. Having a balanced weekend makes Monday mornings a little easier to deal with.
• Keep lists of alternatives handy - sometimes fun plans get scrapped at the last minute because of weather or other unforeseen problems. I have a list of other fun family activities that we can fall back on instead of filling the time with chores or just sitting around watching television.
• Be flexible - although I'm a big believer in planning in advance, we try to be flexible so we can accept a last-minute invitation from a friend to get together or accommodate a quick trip to the office to deal with a looming deadline. It sometimes means putting a half-prepared meal in the fridge to finish cooking later, but it's usually worth it.

Weekends (or any time off from work) are very important for any family. It's the time to reconnect and recharge our batteries, as well as accomplish necessary tasks to make the work week go more smoothly. And even though the weekends never seem long enough, even if they are 3 days, with a little planning and balance, I can maximize my time off and make the most of it.

The holiday season has hit the stores full force and it's time to start thinking about my budget for gift giving. It's not exactly a fun exercise; I always end up wishing I could spend and give more this time of year. But I've learned the hard way from past experience that if we don't come up with a budget for what we can afford to spend, we'll regret it in January. Here are a few things we typically do when coming up with our holiday budget:

• Agree on what you're going to spend total and per gift BEFORE you start browsing. I've found we set a more reasonable limit if we haven't already started picking out presents in our head that are on the more expensive side. If I've already seen the "perfect" gift for someone for $60, I'm less likely to agree to a $30 limit.
• Keep and log receipts as you buy. It doesn't have to be a fancy spreadsheet, but at least right down the total cost of each gift when you buy it and document what the subtotal is for everything so far. This definitely helps with inching over the limit on individual gifts because you see how quickly the overages add up.
• Don't forget the "extras". Your budget should include everything you'll need to buy for the holidays: decorations, wrapping paper, charitable donations, food outside of your usual grocery budget, etc. That way you won't have any surprises when the bills come in January.
• Speaking of bills, keep the credit card use to a minimum. It's tempting when money is tight to just charge it and worry about it later. I know first hand, though, how tough it is to have to pay those bills off. At one point my husband and I had quite a bit of credit card debt. When we finally realized we needed to stop charging and pay our balances down, it took us almost 2 years to get everything paid down. Those bills weren't exclusively holiday related, but our spending during the holidays definitely contributed.

The first few times we did a holiday budget, my husband was resistant. Like most of us, he enjoys buying nice things for friends and family to show how much he appreciates them and felt restricted working within a budget. But after a few years of us overspending, he saw the benefit of budgeting in advance. Now he helps me set the budget and stick to it; it definitely makes January more enjoyable for both of us.