Marla the Blogger

I have a co-worker who was confiding in me the other day about how things haven't been going great in her personal life and she realized that one of her problems is that she needs better friends. She has a few good ones, but there are also a few that take advantage of her, don't treat her with respect, and generally bring her down. In my opinion, life is too short to surround yourself with people like that. The great thing about friendship is that it's optional; especially as an adult, you don't have to be friends with some people. Sure, you still need to be kind and respectful to others no matter what, but you don't have to actually be friends with and spend your time and energy with people unless you want to.

In my experience, there are several kinds of good friends to have:

• Friends that are interested in you - you'd think this would be a given, but it isn't always. I had a friend once who used to call me, talk about himself and his life non-stop, and never ask how I was doing or what was new with me. The best friends want to know what's going on in your life, too.
• Friends that help you out - everyone needs a hand once in awhile. That's precisely what friends are for! Friends should feel free to ask you for help, but they should not take advantage of your kindness and constantly ask for help or make unreasonable requests. And they should be willing to return the favor whenever they can.
• Friends that stay friends through the years - I'm terrible about staying in touch with people; I just don't have enough time. I have some friends, though, who no matter how long it's been since I've called or emailed, are always happy to hear from me. They never give me a guilt trip about staying out of touch. And it's like I just talked to them yesterday; we pick up our friendship right where we left it last time.
  

As an adult I've tried to choose friends that are helpful, supportive and kind. The friendships that have lasted the longest and the ones I value the most are with people like that. It's meant that sometimes I've had to end friendships that weren't a positive influence on my life, but I don't regret any of those decisions. Surrounding myself with the best friends to have has made my life better, and helped me to be a better friend as well.

My co-workers and I tend to gripe about our jobs from time to time and joke that we can't wait until we can retire. When my dad "retired" a few years ago, I couldn't understand why he continued to work part-time since he really doesn't have to. I kept asking him, "wouldn't you rather just relax and enjoy your retirement?" and worried that he would wear himself out having not really retired. Turns out, though, that his continuing to work is actually probably good for him. A recent study found that people who work past retirement, especially in fields related to their careers, are more physically and mentally healthy.

The brief article I read didn't say if the study determined why working past retirement had positive benefits. I would guess, though, that part of it is the financial benefit retirees get from working and the social contact and mental stimulation they get from it. I know my dad tends to worry about money and even though he could still live comfortably on his retirement savings, he likes having the added security of the additional income in case he needs it. And I know that even though being retired sounds great to me, my dad is very social and especially since he lives alone, not working and getting out of the house as much would make his life very boring for him. I also think about my grandfather who, in the last few years of his life, was unable to work or even continue some of his hobbies. He definitely seemed less happy than he had been when he was building a house earlier in his "retirement".

I know retirement is a LONG way off for me, and who knows if I'll be able to "retire" completely. It's nice to know, though, if I have to or want to continue working into my old age, it will be beneficial for me both physically and mentally. And it gives me something to discuss with my mom, who just fully retired this year. She's been debating about finding some part time work for the extra income and now it looks like she might get other benefits from working again, too.

I'll admit it: I like watching those house buying shows on cable. I'm not sure why, but I really enjoy the shows where other families are shopping for a house. As I was watching one last night, I realized that almost no one finds the "perfect" place that they're looking for. Almost everyone, even those with million dollar budgets, at some point has to compromise (even if it's settling for a 3 car garage instead of a 5 car one). I know with almost every home my husband and I have purchased or apartment we've rented, we've had to settle for what was the best option at the time. We've never found our "perfect" place. Still, we've been happy in most of the homes we've had and I think it's helped us learn how to live with compromise in other areas of our lives.

I think most of us have thoughts about the "ideal" for our lives: where we would live, what we would do for work, how big (or small) our families would be, etc. Unfortunately, sometimes things don't turn out the way we plan and our ideal isn't available to us. Maybe your dream job would require you to move somewhere you'd rather not live. Maybe you live where you've always wanted, but you've had to settle for a job that isn't exactly what you want. Maybe you always wanted a really big family but can't afford to have more children. Certain things in life are outside of our control, but our attitude towards them is definitely something we can control. If you focus only on what you didn't get that you wanted, you'll miss enjoying all the good things you did get.

Compromise can be tough when you have your heart set on something else, but if you focus on the positive aspects of your choice, it definitely helps. Unless you're extraordinarily lucky or extremely rich, at some point in your life you probably have to compromise in some area. Even though you can't always get exactly what you want, living happily with compromise is definitely possible. Just remind yourself of the good things you have and don't dwell too much on what you think you're missing.