Marla the Blogger

I was talking to a friend of mine yesterday and she was telling me about the one and only time she made a Halloween costume for her son. She had just returned to working full-time after the birth of her second son and her older son was a toddler. She was feeling bad about not having as much time to do typical "mom" things for her kids, so she decided to make her older son a Halloween costume from scratch. So she spent all sorts time working on the costume, only to have her son in true toddler form absolutely refuse to put it on. She tried to force the issue and ended up miserable and crying and feeling like an even worse mom. It was the first and last time she ever made one of her kids a Halloween costume. When she finished her story I said, "And that is why I feel no guilt whatsoever about not sewing and not baking."

I know some of my mom friends (both working and stay-at-home) sometimes feel bad about not being a "crafty" mom or some other specific vision they have on what a mom should do. Kids don't necessarily have the same expectations we do about what kind of mom we should be. Just because our moms might have made every Halloween costume and baked good from scratch doesn't mean we're failures if we don't do it. When I was in college I had a professor who said she always felt guilty because when her daughter was young, she usually gave her a peanut butter and jelly sandwich to eat in the car on the way to the sitters for breakfast because they were always running late. She felt bad because when she was a child, her mother had always made her a hot breakfast every morning and she wasn't doing the same thing for her daughter. When her daughter was older, she told her mother that she fondly remembered the "picnics" they used to have in the car in the morning. She hadn't missed having hot breakfasts at home because she didn't have that expectation; she thought eating in the car was fun.

I think what kids remember the most is you spending time with them and showing them you love them in whatever way you can, even if it doesn't involve time-consuming homemade projects. And I've always said that I'm sure my son enjoys having a relaxed mom who enjoys holidays and activities with him more than he would a stressed-out mom who is exhausted from staying up all night to make his birthday cake from scratch. I wasn't crafty or a good baker before I had my son, so it's unrealistic to think I suddenly will be good at those things just because I now have a child. So, tonight I'm going to dress my son in his lion costume purchased from a second-hand store and take him out for trick or treat. And when his birthday rolls around next year I'll buy his cake from a local bakery, just like I did this year. And I'll relax and enjoy the holidays and celebrations with him, because I'm happy being the kind of mom I am.

In the Start Making Choices well-being weekly planner, there is a suggestion in the emotions category about pets. It notes that for some people, "caring for and interacting with pets helps relieve stress." We have a cat we adopted from a shelter nine years ago. Even though sometimes I think he actually makes my blood pressure rise with his demanding and cranky attitude, he is a part of our family and we do love him. There's nothing better on a cold fall evening than to be sitting on the couch reading with my warm cat curled up on my lap. 

I can understand why our cat can be difficult and grouchy. We've moved him four times across three different states; he's had some close calls with dogs and an unexplained incident where he broke off part of his fangs. And of course, we completely disrupted his life by having a baby who is now an active toddler who chases him around. Despite all that, though, he still likes to curl up in bed with us at night and he's always happy when we give him attention, even as rare as it is sometimes with our busy lives. And I know we are the right family for him, as no one else can appreciate his cantankerous attitude.

When we got our cat, we were his last hope; he had been adopted out unsuccessfully twice before and if we had returned him to the shelter, he would have been categorized as "unadoptable". The shelter we got him from was a no-kill shelter, so he would have just lived his life out there, but other animals are not so lucky. Right now there are lots of animals all over the country that need a home. Because of the economy, some people have had to give up their pets because they can't afford to care for them, or they've had to move into living arrangements where they can't have their pets. If you have the resources to care for a pet and give an animal a home, I encourage you to do so. Web sites like Petfinder can help you find pet that needs a home and might be a good fit for you. You'll feel good knowing you were able to save an animal and you might even be able to reduce your own stress by having a pet that loves you no matter what.   

In case you haven't heard it yet (I somehow missed it until today) October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Breast cancer impacts the lives of hundreds of thousands of women (and even some men) every year.  Both my great-aunt and my grandmother had breast cancer and recently several of the mothers of my close friends have been diagnosed with breast cancer. So, in honor of Breast Cancer Awareness Month, I decided to take some time and learn more about the disease and what I can do to help fight it. There is a website for National Breast Cancer Awareness Month and it has a ton of useful information and resources available. Some of the main content I read was about:  

• Prevention - Not surprisingly, a healthy lifestyle that includes good nutrition and exercise, not smoking and limiting alcohol can possibly decrease your risk of getting breast cancer.
• Treatment - In addition to explaining different treatment, the site includes a list of questions to ask your doctor about breast cancer and links to information about clinical trials for treatment.
• Events - There are several different national and local events you can participate in to help promote breast cancer awareness and raise money for research. My husband and I have participated in the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure in the past. It's really inspiring to see all the breast cancer survivors who participate in the race and all the men and women who run and walk in honor of a loved one who had the disease.

So, if you're a woman, I encourage you to learn more about breast cancer, especially what you can do to potentially decrease your risk of getting it and make sure you're getting regular checkups for early detection. If you're a man, I encourage you to learn more about breast cancer, too, and pass the information on to the women in your life.