Marla the Blogger

My husband and I have a pretty good marriage, in my opinion. However, there's always room for improvement and like many other areas relating to well-being, it requires continued attention. You have to work at it to keep it strong. I found an article the other day on "9 ways to keep your marriage healthy" and it had several good tips.

Some of the suggestions were things I have heard before and we already work on, like having a clear financial plan and being flexible. I've always heard that the top issue couples argue about is money, and my husband and I consistently try to be honest with each other about our spending and discuss and plan our finances together. Flexibility is definitely key and has helped us survive numerous job changes and moves throughout our marriage.

There were some other tips, though, that I hadn't really considered before that would be helpful to incorporate into our relationship. One suggestion was to watch your weight; married couples tend to be heavier which can lead to loss of attraction and health problems. Neither my husband nor I are overweight, but I definitely noticed I'm not as fit as I used to be. I've started running regularly again and want to keep fitness a priority to stay healthy and to prevent any weight issues.

Another recommendation in the article was to connect as a couple apart from your children. This is one area I know we really need to focus on. My husband and I love spending time with our son as a family but we rarely have any time alone without him. Occasionally we have some time in the evening after our son goes to bed, but that tends to get filled up with household chores. So we've decided at minimum to hire a sitter one night a month so we can go out to dinner or a movie or just spend time together alone. I've been hesitant to do this before simply because of the expense involved, but it's important for us to have time together so we're going to find a way to fit it into our budget each month. I know in the long run, any investment we make in our marriage will be worth it!

I thought having every other Friday off from work would help me get caught up on my to-do list, but it seems that I have even more to do and somehow less time to do it. I've gotten behind on a lot of things I need to take care of, and was starting to feel a little overwhelmed today. But then I relaxed, took a deep breath, and remembered a few strategies I use whenever I need to get organized and back on track:

• Make a list of what I need to do - writing it down helps me remember everything I need to do, and I get satisfaction from being able to cross items off after I've completed them.
• There's an order to things - although my list is generally organized by the order in which I remember things I need to do, I don't work on them in that order. Certain things have to be completed in a particular order (I have to buy stamps before I can mail Father's Day cards) and smaller items and errands can be grouped together.
• Share the list - I tend to feel like I have to be the one to accomplish everything on my list, but frequently there are things on there my husband can do (and is happy to do) if I assign a few tasks to him.
• Don't sweat it - True, there are a lot of things on my list and they all need to be completed, but most of them don't mean the end of the world if I don't get them done right away. I'll get them done eventually; I just need to keep working my way through my list.

I tend to be a multi-tasker and there are some things I can do at the same time. But it's not possible to do everything at once and I'm not going to get stressed out about what has to wait for another day. I'm just going to focus on doing one thing at a time and staying organized.

I read an article recently on how you can actually train yourself to be more mindful as a stress management technique. Some of the techniques are things that I have tried (like trying to focus on the "here and now") and have helped me deal with stress, but I never considered a formal training program.

The article explains how West Virginia University conducted a study with university employees to see how they handled stress and whether mindfulness training made a positive difference or not. The techniques they taught the treatment group included things like yoga, meditation, breathing exercises, etc. They found that those who had been taught the techniques fared better both mentally and physically than those who were in the control group. Not only were they better able to handle stressful situations, they actually had lower blood pressure and experienced fewer aches and pains!

Years ago when we lived in Denver, I took yoga classes during my lunch break at work three days a week. The gym was only a few minutes away from work and my employer actually encouraged us to participate; we even got a discounted membership through the company. After reading this article, I realized how much I missed doing yoga on a regular basis. I remember how relaxed and refreshed I felt afterwards and I didn't dread going back to work. I can't take a break like that in the middle of my work day now (no way my current employer would allow it) but I'm going to look into some options for early morning or evening classes. I know I felt better when participating in "mindfulness training" and it looks like there's some evidence that shows it can really make a positive difference!