Marla the Blogger

If you haven't noticed from some of my other recent posts, my job has gotten very stressful lately. I'm afraid that this week hasn't been any different. I'm continuing to find ways to manage my stress level, though, because I'm determined to get through this with my sanity intact. I've worked too long and hard on trying to maintain a positive outlook and overall well-being to let one job ruin it. Rather than spend any more time or energy dwelling on the negative, I'm going to share some of my "little treasures" with you. These are happy memories I replay in my mind when I'm having a bad day and need a little encouragement.

 - Recently, my son and I were sitting on the couch before his bedtime. I had just put in a DVD for him to watch one of his favorite short programs before we went upstairs to brush his teeth and read a book. As the show started, he turned to me and asked, "Do you want to snuggle with me, mommy?  Let's snuggle!"  We laid down on the couch together and I put my arms around him and he sighed contentedly.

- One of my pet peeves is when men leave the toilet seat up. My husband knows this and has been great about remembering to put it back down when he's finished. Once, after we had been together for several years, he forgot and left it up. I walked out of the bathroom and joked, "don't you love me anymore?" Later that same night, when we were going to bed, he was trying not to laugh and I knew he was up to something. I crawled into bed next to him and he put his feet up against mine. He was wearing socks. I started laughing hysterically and said, "wearing socks to bed is one of your pet peeves, not mine!" I used to always wear socks to bed before and it drove him nuts. We had been together so long at that point he couldn't remember which one of us didn't like wearing socks to bed.

- My grandfather passed away two years before my son was born. One of my fondest memories of him is how he would walk around the house, singing opera. I've never had the same appreciation for opera, but whenever I hear it, I think of him. My son loves hearing opera. We turned on the television once when he was about 18 months old and there happened to be an opera performance on and he was hooked. I like to think that he inherited his interest in opera from my grandfather, even though he never met him.

- My birthday is two weeks before Christmas and often gets overlooked. My mom had to work the evening shift on my 18th birthday, but when I got home from school that day, she had left 18 lavender roses on the table for me and a card with money for me to go to the movies with one of my friends. And a really sweet note telling me how much she loved me. It was one of my most memorable birthdays even though I didn't get to spend it with my family.

Of course I have more, but those are just a few that I've been pondering this week when things were tough and I was feeling overworked and under appreciated. What are your happy memories that help get you through rough days? 

I've often seen articles online and in women's magazines about keeping the "spark" alive in your marriage. Honestly, I usually find those kinds of articles silly with their cliché advice like "meet your husband at a bar and pretend to be total strangers, meeting for the first time" or suggestions to buy racy lingerie. The other day, though, I read an interesting article explaining how boredom can actually be worse for your marriage than conflict. And it made me consider the idea of keeping the "spark" in marriage in a whole new way.

This article was very timely for me. Lately, my husband and I have hardly even seen each other, much less have time for any fun or excitement. I've been busy with changes at work and trying to keep the household running while my husband is working overtime to try to finish a grant application before the deadline. Most of our brief conversations have revolved around things that need to get done and making sure each of us knows what the other's schedule is and who needs to watch our son when. I haven't felt unhappy about our relationship, and I don't think my husband has either, but we definitely need some time together and to break out of our routine.

One aspect of the article I found most interesting was the examples of what you could do to keep your marriage exciting. Instead of just suggesting new and novel things to do in regards to your physical or romantic relationship, it explained how doing anything interesting together can help keep that "spark" alive. One couple started taking horseback riding lessons together, for example. Even more intellectual pursuits can enliven a stagnant relationship by giving you new and interesting ideas to discuss.

My husband is submitting his grant today, which means his schedule will become a little more sane. I'm planning on spending some much-needed time with him over the long weekend so we can reconnect. And I'm going to talk to him about us finding something new or interesting that we can do together. It's great to know that we can find ways to keep our relationship fresh without resorting to gimmicks or tired old tricks.

Yesterday everyone at the company where I work found out that we're all getting a 10% salary cut. The business has been going through tough times; we've already had a few rounds of layoffs and this was another cost-cutting measure instead of letting even more people go. Obviously, I'm not happy about this. Ten percent doesn't sound like much when you think about something on sale for 10% off, but it's a huge amount when you suddenly only make 90% of what you were making before. Still, after my initial feelings of disappointment and stress, I am determined to look for the silver lining in all this.

First of all, I still have a job. I know several people who have lost their jobs and are not having any luck finding new ones right now.  Obviously, losing 10% of my pay is better than losing 100% of it, and I'm glad that I didn't have to lay off any of my employees, and that none of my coworkers are losing their jobs, either.

Second, and most importantly, I get to spend more time with my son. As part of the new salary arrangement, we'll get a half a day off before company holidays and every other Friday off. I'm always complaining that I'd like more time to spend with my son, and now I get it. True, I'll have to come up with fun and creative things for us to do together that don't cost a lot of money, but just getting to spend more time with him is a bonus.

Also, because my husband and I have been doing a good job of living within our means, even though the salary reduction will hurt, it's not as bad as it could have been. It means we'll have less money to put into savings and we'll have to cut back on some extras, but we can still get by. I'm glad we've been mostly frugal up until now because it makes the transition easier. Just last week I was trying to find a "big boy" bed for our son and instead of spending a lot of money a new bed frame, I got something used.  I picked up a frame for $30 at the thrift store and am painting it to match the rest of his furniture.

Even though I'm not exactly thrilled with the recent changes at work, I'm staying positive.  I'm really excited to be able to spend more time with my son. And I'm glad that my husband has a stable, flexible job. In fact, he's going to look into alternative work arrangements on the Fridays I do have to work, so maybe our son will only have to go to daycare 4 days a week every week and we can save some money that way. In the end, there's really nothing I can do about my situation at work, so instead of brooding over it, I'm going to look for the silver lining and stay positive.