Marla the Blogger

I have a friend Mary who lives in Colorado. I'm terrible about keeping in touch with her, but she calls me out of the blue once every couple of months and it's always great to talk to her. She never complains that she has to be the one to always call me.  She never apologizes for not calling more often or making excuses about why she hasn't called sooner. She just calls to chat, we always have a great conversation, and I always feel happy after talking to her. It's like I just talked to her the other day because there is no awkwardness between us. There are no expectations for what one person "owes" the other in terms of keeping up the friendship. We just know that we are friends, we're both busy, and we reconnect when we can and don't sweat it when we don't have time to.

I thought about Mary and our friendship the other day after my husband complained how we hadn't heard from anyone in awhile, and it seemed like forever since our friends had invited us to do something with them. At first, I felt the same way he did: a little put off and hurt. We were looking forward to moving back to Cincinnati because we have so many friends here. But since we've moved back, it seems like we haven't really seen our friends that much. But then I thought about Mary and how she never expects me to be the one to reach out to her and how she still calls me without giving me a guilt trip.  So, instead of sitting around waiting for the phone to ring, I decided to reach out to our other friends more often.

It didn't take a lot of time or planning; I just sent out an email to some friends inviting them to come over to our house to cook out this weekend. Some people can make it, some can't, some I haven't heard back from either way. But even if only a few people come over, I know we'll have a nice time hanging out with them and reconnecting. And even for those friends who can't make it, at least they'll know we're thinking of them and would love to see them again whenever we can.

I'm going to strive to try to make more of my friendships like my relationship with Mary. I'm not going to think about who called whom last, or feel bad because I haven't reached out to my friends as often as I should. I'm not going to sit and wait for an invitation if I want to get together with them. I'm just going to reconnect with them when I can and not worry about the other stuff. Staying in touch with friends isn't easy when everyone is busy and just trying to keep up with work and everything else that goes on in our lives. But I know it's worth the effort to contact them whenever I can.

My family and I just got back from a much needed vacation. We hadn't taken a trip together since last year and it was great to get away. Like everyone else these days, we didn't have a lot of money to spend but still had a great time without breaking the bank. It helped a lot that my in-laws rent a house near the beach every year, so we had a free place to stay, but there are other ways to help travel on a budget:

• Pack your own food - on long car trips, we take healthy snacks like grapes and pretzels and pack a lunch, so we're only eating out for dinner. It saves money and is better for us!
• Travel off-peak times - my in-laws get a good deal on the house they rent because they get it earlier in the season. Sometimes the weather isn't as warm, but we usually have at least a few good days while we're there.
• Share costs - my husband's siblings and their spouses were with us as well, and each couple took a turn buying groceries and cooking dinner one night, so we only went out for dinner once.
• Keep entertainment costs down - you don't have to spend a lot of money on expensive attractions. The best time our son had all week was running on the beach and building sand castles. In the evenings, we had a great time playing cards and board games with my husband's family.

For us, the best part of a vacation is spending time together as a family, away from work and school and our day-to-day routine. And it was great to come back and not have a bunch of debt hanging over our heads from an expensive vacation. We're already planning another budget trip: camping this summer!

I have a friend who recently hurt her back badly. This has been very difficult for her because she loves working out and the doctor said it will be at least a few weeks of physical therapy before they will even consider permitting her back to the gym. I had a stress fracture in my leg a few years ago when I was running regularly and remember how hard it was to stay off my leg and not run until the doctor cleared me. But I knew if I tried to run too soon, I'd just make it worse. I was telling her about that and suggested she mark a day on her calendar three weeks from today and not even think about going to the gym until she at least made it to that day. Later I realized how hilarious it was that I gave someone else advice about being patient.

By nature, I am not a patient person. I get frustrated with myself when I'm trying to learn something new and don't get the hang of it right away. I get irritated with other people when they get in my way and slow me down. My temper is short sometimes when I have to answer the same questions from the same person time after time or someone makes a series of careless mistakes that inconveniences me. I know I need to learn to be more patient.

Before my son was born, I worried that I might not be patient enough with him. But when he was a baby, I somehow tapped into a deep well of patience that I didn't even know existed in me. Somehow I was able to remind myself that he was just a baby being a baby. And I felt like I had all the time in the world and was the most patient person on earth when it came to him. But that was before he became a toddler. Now I find the well of patience is getting shallower and shallower, as I watch him do something I specifically just told him NOT to do. Or while I am spending the third morning in a row wrestling him into his clothes while he's screaming and carrying on, as toddlers tend to do. Clearly, I am need of some patience.

Even though I'm not naturally patient, obviously I am capable of it at times, and I think it is something I can learn to do better. I've started making a conscious effort to recognize it when I'm starting to lose my patience and stop myself. I take a deep breath, walk into the other room (if necessary) and count to ten. I try to put the situation in perspective. Is what I'm getting upset about really worth it? If I'm at work or on the phone with a customer service rep and feel the situation starting to get tense, I make a little joke to ease the stress. I try not to think about the next thing I should already be doing, but concentrate just on what I'm doing right now. It won't happen overnight, but I'll keep trying and I know I can learn to be more patient.