Marla the Blogger

Right now it seems like everyone is feeling the money crunch. Gas and grocery prices seem to just go higher and higher. On the one hand, my husband and I are lucky: he takes public transportation to work and my commute is only a couple of miles. Typically we only have to fill up our car once every 2 weeks. On the other hand, we live in the greater Boston area, by far the most expensive place we've ever lived. And, to make matters worse, our living expenses went up when we moved here but we're both making the same amount we did when we lived in Cincinnati. Our daycare expenseses alone increased almost 3 times over what we were paying before. I went to the grocery store the other night and came home with essentially one bag of groceries and spent almost $40. I can tell that prices have dramatically increased in just the last few months.

On lots of websites and blogs people are discussing what they're doing to cut back on costs and there are definitely some things that I've been trying.  Some people find it helpful to move to cash to curb their spending, but I find the opposite is true for me. If I have cash in my wallet, I tend to spend it on little things and not know where it goes. But I'm less likely to make a small purchase with my credit card and, if I do, then at least I have a paper trail and can see what I spent my money on. And I've tried to give up extras or make substitutions wherever I can. For instance, I used to have a pretty regular gourmet coffee habit which could get expensive. So instead of stopping for coffee on my way to work, my husband and I make coffee at home every morning and I take some to work in a travel mug. Now we only spend about $5 a week on coffee for both of us instead of me spending almost that much for just one gourmet coffee drink.

One thing that has been helpful that I hadn't anticipated when we moved here was downsizing to a smaller place. We went from a 4 bedroom, 3 story house to a 2+ bedroom apartment. And even though it's been difficult to adjust to a much smaller living space, it's made it easier to not spend money. Every time I look at something I'd like to buy, I ask myself, "where will I put it?" Really, our place is so small and we had to get rid of so much stuff before we moved, it seems ridiculous to buy anything new now. When there are things that need to buy, like clothes for our son, I'm trying to find more creative ways to get what we need. Now when we need to buy something I ask myself, "is this currently on sale anywhere? Can I find a coupon online or elsewhere I can use to get it? Can I find the item used at a thrift store or a consignment shop?" I'm not the only one looking for a bargain; just this morning I found a story on CNN.com about getting the best deals when shopping.

I know that money and finances are a big source of stress for people, especially right now. We're doing okay at the moment and I know others are struggling more than we are to make ends meet; however, the difference between us and them could be as simple as one big, unexpected expense. So, before things get really bad, I'm trying to make some changes to keep our spending down where we can. In addition to what I've already mentioned, we're doing the usual packing our lunches everyday, not going out to eat as much, etc. but I'd love to hear other people's suggestions. What are you doing to try to cut costs?

My husband and I often reflect on how truly lucky we are. We have a good marriage, a wonderful son, we're all healthy and, although we're not living in the lap of luxury, we have enough to get by on. Sure, we have our fair share of day-to-day problems and stress, but nothing truly serious and life-changing, knock on wood. Other people are facing very, very serious issues. Problems like bankruptcy, divorce, critical illness, unemployment - these require more than stress management; they call for crisis management. Recently, I found out that my sister is facing some serious life-changing problems. I've been thinking of what I would do in her situation and trying to find ways to help her. I don't really have any experience in crisis management, but here are a few suggestions I gave my sister:

• Take it one step at a time - I imagine facing a big crisis can be overwhelming. If you're facing a financial crisis like a foreclosure, where do you even start? Don't try to tackle everything at once, and try to not let the enormity of what needs to be done overwhelm you. Start slow and handle one thing at a time; get out of bed, get dressed, and put one foot in front of the other.
  
• Change your expectations - We all have ideas about how our life will or should be. Often, though, it doesn't turn out like we plan. But sometimes it turns out even better than we planned, even if we don't realize a crisis as a blessing in disguise. When I was a senior in college, I was engaged to my boyfriend at the time and later ended up calling off the wedding.  Of course, I was devastated at the time. But years later, after dating and then marrying my husband, I realized that my life turned out much better than if I would have married my college boyfriend.
  
• Stay positive - Whatever crisis you may be experiencing is serious, no doubt. But surely there are still some bright spots in your life. Maybe your marriage failed and you're facing divorce, but you have wonderful children that you wouldn't have had you never gotten married. There are probably a lot of things out of your control, but you can still control how you react to them. You can let a crisis ruin your life, or you can try to use it as a turning point for moving forward towards a new life.
  
• Ask for help -  Both my sister and I are really bad about asking others for help.  We come by it honestly (thanks, dad) but it's a trait we both need to work around. When facing a life crisis, it's unrealistic to think you handle it all by yourself. Whether you need to consult with a professional, or just get support from family and friends, don't isolate yourself when you need people the most. I think most people will be willing to help however they can; I can't think of one single instance when someone close to me asked me for help and I didn't want to assist them.

As I was reading through some of the well-being articles on the Start Making Choices website, I noticed one about "How to Overcome Back-to-Work Anxiety" for new moms. My almost 2-year old has been in daycare full time since he was 3 months old, so we're old pros at the daycare routine by now. But there are some good tips in there for moms who are facing going back to work (yes, it is really hard at first, but it DOES get better) and there is some good information for working moms in general. It outlines ways to help you avoid 'Super Working-Mother Syndrome', that feeling that you have to do everything yourself all the time.  There were some points I found really useful, including:

•  "Alter your expectations" - this has always been a tough one for me, even before I had my son.  I sometimes have unrealistic expectations about what I can/should be able to do and am too hard on myself when I can't meet them. Like they point out in the article, you can't be "all things to all people" and you have to decide what's really important.
• "Slow down at work and at home" - there's no end to the tasks that need to be done at home and at work and the truth is you'll never be "finished" with all of it. In addition to being better about delegating work at the office, I've decided to take the plunge and get some professional help with the housecleaning. I don't like cleaning house, I'm not particularly good at it, and there's no reason why I should feel like I have to do it myself. We don't have a ton of extra cash, but I think we can find room in our monthly budget for some occasional outside help.
  
• "Become a happy, fulfilled person" - I've been working on this the last few months with the Start Making Choices program and this blog and it's really important. I think one of the best ways to make sure I'm a good mom is to start by being a good me. It's much easier for me to be patient and loving with my son when I'm happy with myself. And I think it will help me be a good example for him as he gets older.
• "Take time off" - of course we have family vacations, but I'm also going to plan a random weekday off with my son so he and I can do some fun things together that we usually miss during the week, like storytime at the library and playgroups with my stay-at-home mom friends.