Marla the Blogger

Have you ever heard the financial advice "pay yourself first" before? My husband is always fond of saying it when we're talking about our finances. The idea is that before you pay any of your monthly bills or spend money on daily expenses, you need to put some money aside for yourself first. I did an okay job with my personal finances on my own, but I hadn't been good about saving money. When my husband and I merged our money and our debts, he insisted that we set up a money market account that we automatically pay into from our checking account each month. The amount we pay has changed based on our overall finances; when things have been tight, we've lowered the amount some and when we've been doing well, we've upped the amount. No matter what we've had going on, though, we've always paid something into it every month.

I know it's hard to look at your monthly finances and figure out where to find "extra" money. So many bills like rent, childcare, car payments and insurance are very specific amounts with no way to decrease them. You won't get a few dollars off your car insurance bill next month just because you didn't drive your car as much this month. However, there are some areas, like groceries and gas, where what you do can have an impact on the money you spend. Here are a few things I do to try to shave off a few dollars wherever I can:

• Shop with a list - before you go grocery shopping, make a list of what you need and stick to it. When you're in the store, skip the aisles that don't have anything on your list in them. Avoiding impulse buys at the grocery store and buying only what you really need saves you money.
• Drive less - try to combine errands instead of making lots of individual trips. I try do so some quick errands (like dropping off a movie or picking up dry cleaning) on my way home from work. If I run a bunch of errands at once, I plan out the order to do them in to coincide with the most efficient driving route with the least amount of mileage and doubling back. It saves money on gas and wear and tear on the car. 
• Postpone big purchases - we've needed a second car since we moved back to Ohio in November, but we decided to put it off for a few months until our finances stabilized after our move. My husband has been taking the bus into work in the morning (he gets a free bus pass through his work) and I pick him up on my way home after getting our son from daycare.

Because we try to find ways to save a little money each month and have always "paid ourselves first," my husband and I have enough money that we can buy a used car and pay cash. This will enable us to get the second car we need without having to add another monthly bill, and allow us to get a good deal on the car because we're only paying for the car, not the car plus years of interest payments. And with the current state of the credit market, we're glad we don't have to try to get a loan right now.

I know when money is tight it's not easy to put some aside. There have been several months where I tried to convince my husband we just couldn't afford to put some money away. But I'm glad we've always found a way to put something into savings each month, even if it didn't seem like much at the time. In the long run, even small amounts add up to something that can make a big difference. 

As I mentioned in an earlier post, I've decided that this year I'm going to spend some time thinking about my career and trying to decide what the best path is for me long-term. So recently I've been considering my options. Should I go back to my original plan (English professor) that I got sidetracked from 15 years ago? Should I think about something completely unrelated to what I do now, but has a good outlook for continuing demand (like Nursing)? Really, trying to decide what you want to be when you grow up isn't much easier in my mid-thirties than it was when I was eighteen. And it seems like an overwhelming task. How am I ever going to figure it out? What if I make the wrong decision and spend a lot of time and effort to change careers, only to find out I'm unhappy with my choice?

I happened to find an article online the other day that really helped me put my thoughts and concerns about my career into perspective. The article basically outlined three things about "escaping your rat race" and making your life what you want it to be that I found really helpful:

• You can't just "find" the right life; you have to make it
• You don't need to have a detailed step-by-step plan laid out to change your life
• You don't have to make big, sudden changes to get the life you want

Basically, the author suggests instead of focusing too much on the big difference between the life you have and the life you want, pay attention to the small decisions you make in your day-to-day life. And like playing the game "warmer or colder" with someone when they're trying to find an object in the room, go with the decisions that feel "warmer": the ones that move you closer to the life you want, even if it's just in small steps.

It made me realize that I was thinking about my career choice in the wrong way.  Instead of trying to decide where I want to end up without really having a specific career in mind, I should start from where I am and make small choices based on what feels "warmer".  Even though there are some things I really don't like about my career, there are some elements of it that I do enjoy. If I gravitate towards those things and start steering my career in those directions, I'm more likely to end up in a place that I like, instead of just scrapping everything I've done up to this point and starting over. So, instead of trying to figure out what I want to be, instead I'm going to start making small moves to keep "getting warmer" and see where I end up.

The other day one of my co-workers and I were discussing a meeting from the previous day and he said, "Can I tell you something? You chew on your fingers sometimes while you're talking in meetings." I think he was hesitant at first to say anything, because he didn't want to offend me or hurt my feelings but I'm glad he did. I had no idea I had been doing that! Not that it's the end of the world, but it is probably distracting and definitely not professional. And now that I know I do it, I can try to be more conscious of it and stop myself when I realize I'm doing it.

I know I'm not very self-aware; I'm sometimes so far inside my own head that it's hard for me to step out and see myself as other people might see me. My mom is the same way and I've seen her doing and saying things that other people have interpreted as rude, but she doesn't realize how she comes across to others sometimes. I'd like to be more self-aware, so I've brainstormed a few things that I think might help:

• Do short self-checks - I had a massage recently and the therapist commented that I keep my shoulders up and tensed a lot. Even while I was getting a relaxing massage! Since he mentioned it, I've been checking myself throughout the day and consciously relaxing my shoulders when I realize I'm tensing them up.
• Take a quick mental break - I've realized that some of these things (chewing my fingers, biting on a pen, tensing up my shoulders) I'm doing unconsciously when I'm concentrating intently on something else. So now whenever I find myself really deep in thought or focusing too much on something, I take a quick mental break from my thoughts and check myself to see what I may be doing that I'm not aware of.
• Enlist help from a friend - I've asked the coworker who told me about my finger chewing to catch my attention if he sees me doing it again. People might be unwilling to point something out to you because they don't want to hurt your feelings, but if you let them know in advance you want their feedback, I think most people would be happy to help.