Marla the Blogger

Because of my husband's job, we've had to move several times. Each time we knew when we moved to a new place that we probably wouldn't be staying there more than a few years. And now we're in another situation where we've recently moved and we're not sure how long we're going to be staying here. So, once again, I'm feeling like I don't really belong here yet, but by the time I start feeling settled, we might be moving again. But as I was talking to a friend about this the other night, I realized that the problem isn't really with the situation itself, but with my attitude about it.

Even though we knew from the beginning that we'd only be in Cincinnati for two or three years, it didn't make it any easier to leave when we did have to move. Making new friends and getting settled in a new community is tough and since we moved to Boston I'm sometimes discouraged with having to start all over again.  And the thought of maybe having to do it all AGAIN in a few years makes me not want to bother with it sometimes.

But I realized the other day that I spend too much time thinking about and worrying about the future, and that I'm missing out on what's happening in my life right now. I know that I'm not a very patient person and I tend to want to "fast forward" over the parts of life that are monotonous or difficult.  But even in the midst of things that aren't so much fun (changing diapers, living in a small apartment, being new in town) there are moments that are really enjoyable (watching my son become a little boy, not having a mortgage and house maintenance costs, exploring a new place I've never lived before).

Really, whether we're here for a year or three or 30, I should have a positive attitude and try to enjoy the time we're here, instead of just looking ahead to the next place we might live. Instead of worrying about what might happen or trying to change things I don't have any control over, I'm going to try to change the one thing I can control: my attitude.

I typically don't make New Year's resolutions. I find the whole process a little artificial. Why wait for an arbitrary day to try to make changes in your life? If you need to do something differently, do it today. Plus, I think a lot of people set themselves up for disappointment, and their resolutions are forgotten before they even make it to Valentine's Day. At least, that's what it seemed like back in the days when I still went to the gym on a regular basis. I always dreaded how crowded it got in January, but knew that by mid-February it would be back to normal.

But lately, I'm starting to see the appeal of the whole New Year's resolution. No so much in terms of when you decide to make a change in your life, but more that it's kind of "official" that you are trying to make a change. Like how people ask you what your resolution is and then might ask you later how you're doing with it. Or you write it down and put it up somewhere to remind yourself of your goal. I see now why people set resolutions because I've got to tell you, I've had a change I've been trying to make in my life for the last 5 months at least, and I still haven't succeeded.

So, what is this change that I'm having such a hard time making? What could be so difficult that I'm now reversing my previous, no-resolution stance? Here it is: spend one night a week doing something just for myself. That's it. I'm not kidding. For the last 5 months, I've been trying to designate one evening a week to take time for myself, and I haven't been able to do it. I mean, sure, there have been a few nights here and there when I've done something just for myself. But in terms of being able to take time out on a regular basis, once a week? Not even close.

As I'm writing this, I realize how lame that might sound. Really, how hard could it be? It's not like trying to train for a marathon or losing 50 pounds or something that would take a lot of effort and dedication. But for me, it has been difficult. I think it's because my first priority is always taking care of my family and keeping the day-to-day running smoothly. And there's a lot involved with getting everyone out the door each day for work and school, not to mention a lot to do at work itself, and then back home for the whole evening routine and prep for the next day. And of course, cleaning, cooking, shopping, the whole bit. So any free time I do have, I want to spend with my husband or my son. Which I should be; they're the whole reason I do all the other day-to-day stuff. But I know there's no reason why I can't take a break from all the routine stuff I do one night a week and do something just for me.

So why haven't I done it? I think honestly it's because I haven't scheduled it. It just sounds weird to me. To me, scheduling time to take time for myself is like making a list of ways to be more spontaneous: it just seems silly. But, when I look back at the times I did take time for myself, it's always because I had a specific thing I wanted to do on a specific night, so I did put it on the calendar and made the effort to do whatever needed to be done to make it happen. So, I'm using my well-being calendar to put specific activities on specific days and I'm also going to put them on the calendar in our kitchen.

The next two weeks are easy: this Thursday I have a mom's night out dinner and next Wednesday I have a book club meeting. But after that, there's nothing specific so I came up with a list of some things I'd like to do and I'm going to fill them in each week when I don't have something else to do:

• Get a massage
• Go to a coffee shop for a few hours and read a book
• Take a tour of a gym I'd like to join; actually take advantage of the free workout they offer you right then and there
• Take a one-night cooking class
• Go to the Ikea store and window shop
• Visit/learn about something historical in Boston

There are other things I'm sure I could think of, but that should be enough to get me started. Now I just have to put them on my calendar! The well-being calendar also has some suggestions I'm going to look at. If other people have ideas and suggestions, I'd love to hear them, too. So, now it's official: I have a New Year's resolution AND I'm writing it down every week.

My name is Marla and I'm just your average, stressed-out working mom. I have a wonderful, loving husband and a very active toddler who I adore, but with my hectic schedule it seems like I always put myself last. Plus, we recently relocated to the Boston area and the move to a much bigger city has added to my stress level. People say you're only as old as you feel, but honestly, I just turned 35 and some days feel about 85. I keep saying that I need to make time for myself and find ways to reduce stress, but I need some serious help and guidance to create a more balanced life. It's easy to SAY I need to make some changes, but it's hard to actually start making changes.

That's why I decided to follow the Start Making Choices program and get serious about improving my life, so I'm not always the very last thing on my list of things to take care of. I'm hoping that by making a conscious effort to improve my well-being and by writing about it, I might actually succeed at least in some small ways. I hope other people who read this blog share their own struggles and victories with me. I think it helps to know that other people are going through the same issues and are trying to improve their health and well-being, too. And who knows, maybe it will help someone else make some changes in their life as well. So stay tuned and wish me luck!